sleepy thoughts

"it is best never to have been born at all, next best to die young, and that old age is the worst to befall man." How depressing. I have heard people here and there in my lifetime complain about mankind's failings and woes, about how the human race is killing the earth and how nature would be better off without us. I have heard people say how death would be easier to bear than living in the crappo world we dwell in today. But they are so full of it. (except for the death being easier part. . .I don't really know what it will be like to be dead so I won't really say decisively how it will compare to living). Everyone, despite any bravado, clings to life; they may only show it by a tear in their eyes, or a tiny shudder briefly running through their bodies. It may be an ache in their heart, a weakness in the knees, but people like to live. The hardest part about living is the anticipation of dying; suffering from emotional and physical troubles and watching others suffer are painful and scary to us- the slow drain on the body and the tragedies and sorrow the soul has to endure again and again for a whole lifetime.
Antigone's troubles sometimes do feel to me to be beyond endurance. To have so much death and sorrow by the time she's about late teens/twenties; I'm not positive about the age. I can see how death would be desirable to her, but what bothers me about her is how willingly she abandons life. I know martyrs die to make a point, but usually, they also look forward towards a life after death; a reward or something for their sacrifice. But Antigone doesn't want any life at all; death is her only aim. The only people she honors are the dead; the only god she she seems to truly reverence is Hades. Death is the oblivion she wants from the horrors she has experienced in life, even though most of those horrors were committed by the same dead people she loves so much. She wants approval from the people whose actions stimulated the misery she felt in life? How is that a reward? I just don't get that. She cares nothing for Ismene, which I can understand a little because she is pretty much a pansy ass robot who did not support her cause, but just as much a blood relative as her brothers who killed each other. And she doesn't consider Haemon's feelings, and what's sad is that Haemon was a pretty decent guy. He looked at the situation from both sides and came up with a logical solution. He didn't get anywhere with his dad argument wise, but the guy was basically fighting for the unwritten laws of the gods that Antigone promoted with her civil disobedience. Maybe she just didn't trust him or something, maybe they just weren't that close, but it just bugs me that she didn't even think about how her death would affect him. She was in self-pity mode about not having a wedding and doing all the marriage stuff, but he was caring about her (it seemed).
I know depressing stuff happens to people every day and I understand how much weight misfortune and sorrow can put on the heart. Everyone goes through that; but if life were easy, I don't think it would be as worthwhile, and although tragedy and drama can be draining and can produce suicidal thoughts, it can be kind of funny too -maybe not at the time, but later on, reflection brings out some laughs. I mean, that's basically high school in a nutshell. Often times, people say it was the most terrible experience of their life, but they love to talk about it. With every bad moment that happens in our lives, there's an equally wonderful, good moment that occurs. Dwelling soley in one or the other, I think, isn't that healthy. Antigone had a lot of bad to dwell in, but she chose to stay there and I hate that about her. If she had waited in her cave like two or three more hours, she could've lived and lived happily if she had wanted to, but because she believed so deeply in her fate and because she wanted death so badly she died, starting the domino effect that happens so often in tragedies. I know it couldn't have gone any other way, and I do like the play, but I still just find that frustrating that they're are people like that-- passionate and smart-- who choose to snuff out their lives when there is so much potential. I've mentioned James Dean before whom I think had to die so young, (and although James Dean did die in a car accident, the lifestyle he led would have resulted in an early death anyway) but just like Antigone (who died before her time) it all seems such a waste of what they had to offer. It just feels frustrating.